Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
