he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
