you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
