I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
