party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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