i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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