I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
