Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
