Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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