My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
