i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
