She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize