I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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