nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
