I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
