Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
