I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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