i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
