he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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