So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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