made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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