Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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