how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
