Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
