She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
