so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
