Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
