i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
