You just made me feel so damn special
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
