Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
