and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
