You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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