Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
