She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
