I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
