3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
