woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
