Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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