My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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