Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize