So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
