I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
