I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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