i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
