I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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