That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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