Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
