watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
