Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
