last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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