so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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