so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize