theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
