So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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