remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
pray to the hookup gods
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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