So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
