your parents love me but you hate me
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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