i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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