Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
