I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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