Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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