God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
