On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's official drugs can't kill me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
