We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
two words...techno handjob
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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