I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
