Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
