is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
