But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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