Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
