You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize