...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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