When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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