all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
